About

I was born in a refugee gulag in Europe, brought here as a baby, raised in a black neighborhood by a single mother and on weekends in a white neighborhood by a remarried dad. There has never been anything normal about my life.

I am not normal. I am not like you. I drink excessively when I go out. I am smarter than you. My dick is bigger than yours. I have more ambition than you. I want to have unprotected sex with every woman I lay eyes on. I am crude. I make sexually suggestive comments at inappropriate times. I am the id you wish you had. I'm the guy you hear about with all the crazy stories that you don't believe could be true, but they are. If you met me and you hate me it's because you're a square (the type that wears a button-up shirt tucked into chinos to a weekend BBQ and talks about 401k's) or a woman with values and a modicum of self respect. Everyone else loves me because I'm fun. Read that last line again.

My favorite topic is sex. If I'm not talking about sex I am thinking about it. A good portion of my work day consists of fantasizing about customers I want to bang and hiding erections from the ones I don't. My weekends are spent getting wasted and trying to get laid. I am bad with women yet I still manage to get laid. Sometimes I'm terrible with women and I manage to not get laid. Sometimes I'm great with women and I manage to get laid. Sometimes I'm too great with women and run away from a potential long-term relationship because my fear of missing out on some new poon manifests itself as commitment phobia.


What is this blog about? My drunk stories, my fuck stories, random thoughts on stupid bullshit and intelligent rants about things that annoy the fuck out of me and other smart shit.

I am not a writer and I don't want to be, this blog is here so the world can know all of the awesomeness that goes on in my head. With that being said correcting my grammar and punctuation is futile as I will completely ignore you.

Thanks, enjoy and leave comments.